Exercise #7 from Old Friend From Far Away
How to French Kiss with a Pop Bottle
My sister, all grown up and married with kids, thought it’d be a great idea to have a Halloween party at her place. Sure, of course, sounds perfect, great.
We papered the mache, stacked the corn stalks, dumped dry ice in a plastic cauldron and made s’mores bars out of cereal, marshmallows and chocolate chips.
The party would do double duty–she’d have her friends, I’d have mine. Mine were all girls, tween style and tittering.
Early on we took to the Ouija board and a dark little bedroom where we tried to contact Sid Vicious. Fingers played around the pointer, always someone pushing, denying, pushing, giggling.
Eventually some woman came in, I think her name was Sue, I didn’t know her. Maybe she worked for the county with my sister moving the elderly from bed to bed, any guess is good. There’s nothing an adult likes talking about more with young girls than boys, especially a drinking adult.
Sue warmed herself up to us. Who did we like? Did we go on dates? Titter. Have we kissed a boy? Titter titter. Then came the instructional, “You know, it’s a good idea to practice first.”
Uh, okay. How do we do that, then?
“You can practice on a pop bottle. You have to kiss it and don’t forget to use your tongue.”
The tittering was out of control by this point. There was no going back. The entire Halloween was tinted with soda pop fizz. After the party died down we girls sat in the living room giggling around an empty Coca-cola bottle and gave instruction to my sister’s video camera. Married now with 2 kids, I think it was pretty poor advice.