Autumn wind

Autumn wind.  Orion rising from black fields in leather sandals and loin cloth taking aim.  An angry 15 year old girl scrapes her pen across another spiral notebook.  Notice me.  Notice me.  Notice me.

I’ve never been saved but for my words and the ones who took the time to read.  I’ve never been burned, but for the situations I’ve put myself in.  I believe in the power of self and doing.  I believe in love.  I believe in knowing.

There is no church in my bones, but the church of living, of recognizing time with its power to change.  There will always be forgiveness.

My daughters heal me where I hadn’t known there were scars.  A rejection.  Excitement.  Enthusiasm.  Crushing determination. We reach out, always reach out to new unknowns. I don’t believe in endings.

There’s a Shel Silverstein poem:

The Search

I went to find the pot of gold
That’s waiting where the rainbow ends.
I searched and searched and searched and searched
And searched and searched, and then–
There it was, deep in the grass,
Under an old and twisty bough.
It’s mine, it’s mine, it’s mine at last…
What do I search for now?

There have been times in life I’ve felt like this, pinning all of myself on plans, goals, wants, one day or another. The day eventually comes. the event is had. The vows are taken. The baby is born. And then.

And then life is lived again and again. We circle ourselves crossing over from person to person, event and birth and death, dinners and breakfasts and dirty dishes. This is what is amazing, that we move forward, one direction or another despite ourselves.

Another thought on success–Always starting, always daring to begin.

And always, always believe in something.

What do you believe? Tell me everything.

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About E. Victoria Flynn

E. Victoria Flynn is a mother and a writer living in Southern Wisconsin. Published in a variety of venues, Victoria is currently writing the first in a series of three fantasy novels based on Cornish folklore. When not taking part in a shrieking dance party or engrossed in her own little fictions, Victoria is keen on art, the natural world and people unafraid to explore their own brilliance.
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5 Responses to Autumn wind

  1. Katherine Reilly Mitchell says:

    This is great – I think you hit it on the head. The acceptance of the fact that we’re always changing, always searching, and always deepening, and striving for the perfection that we might never get to in a lifetime, is a core belief for me. It seems to encompass some of the central ideas of major religions, and makes sense practically as well. Bravo:)

    • Katherine Reilly Mitchell says:

      Oh, also, the fact that you put Blackbird on this post makes you automatically brilliant;)

      • pennyjars says:

        Thank you, Katherine.

        “The acceptance of the fact that we’re always changing, always searching, and always deepening, and striving for the perfection that we might never get to in a lifetime, is a core belief for me.”

        I think this is where it’s so easy to get stuck in life, somewhere between the “If I could only” and the “Happily ever after”. There is still so much encompassed in that ever after, a million stories that deserve in their own right to be told and a billion tales in the getting there.

        I’m also glad you appreciate Blackbird which takes responsibility for this post. 🙂

  2. I believe in the power of self. I think that there is a beauty in failure and reaction. I am consciously aware now that the present is what matters, where my focus used to be on where I “should” be. I can relate to what you wrote about “pinning myself to plans, goals and wants”.

    I believe in change, knowledge, and infinite learning. I believe in music and the power of expression. Some label me a dreamer, I call it optimistic with a dash of self empowerment. I really enjoyed this post!

  3. pennyjars says:

    Mario,

    I appreciate your thoughts. I try to focus on the present, so odd how hard we have to work on experiencing where we are at any given moment. I find my kids are always tugging me back, sometimes I should be more grateful.

    “I believe in music and the power of expression.”

    Me too. I’m trying to incorporate music into my writing more. On days where it feels like nothing will happen I sit and listen. Something usually clicks for better or worse.

    And I think artists are all dreamers, don’t we have to be?

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