Throw me Thursday: Hidden Things

I nearly forgot Throw me Thursday this week what with the tizzy of NaNoWriMo biting away at my soft little heals. I took this suggestion out of context, as usual, and went with what I was most strongly reminded of. @JulesJeffs said, “@PennyJars When I read my child’s diary entry about today it said…” And that reminded me of my mom, who probably read every word I ever wrote when I wasn’t looking.

Ma wouldn’t talk when I came home, just sat there in her rocking chair with her jumbo words search and a grunt.

Shit, I thought, she knows were I was. But she didn’t, not really. She never called to check out my stories.

I went to my room, dropped off my bag, went to the fridge.

She didn’t look up.

“What’s going on?” I asked. She stared at me. Shit.

“I found your pills,” she said in The Voice.

“What?” I said, “What pills?”

The Voice said, “Your birth control pills.”

Oh.

Before I could accuse her of sneaking around she covered with, “I was putting your clothes away and they fell out of the closest.”

I just stood there waiting for the bricks to come tumbling down, knowing nothing just fell out of my closest.

Knowing her delight in finding things out.

This thing, though, needed time for finding.  Like an overnight at the boyfriend’s house, that kind of time.

The Voice said, “I don’t know why you have to be so stupid.”

“Stupid?  I’m taking care of myself. You should be happy for that!”

This woman pushed me from her body feet first with no drugs, no C-section, no husband holding her hand.  She gave me a name, raised me up, fed and clothed me and never, not ever mentioned anything close to relating to womanhood, sexuality, or even how to shave my legs.

I had to figure it out, talk to friends, learn in school.

1+1= 2.

And that’s what I was avoiding.

One week before my 18th birthday and she still thought she could get by on ignoring the fact that she had a daughter in the house with a boyfriend who might, just maybe, possibly could, be doing a little more than holding hands.

I ran to my room.

The Voice said, “And your grounded!”

Grounded.

Ma just strapped on a verbal chastity belt with no lock. Who’s to say I wouldn’t just take off anyway?

But I didn’t. I wouldn’t. I stayed in that apartment until I turned 18. I stayed until I graduated from high school four months later. I stayed two days after that. She knew I’d be gone. I’d come out running.

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About E. Victoria Flynn

E. Victoria Flynn is a mother and a writer living in Southern Wisconsin. Published in a variety of venues, Victoria is currently writing the first in a series of three fantasy novels based on Cornish folklore. When not taking part in a shrieking dance party or engrossed in her own little fictions, Victoria is keen on art, the natural world and people unafraid to explore their own brilliance.
This entry was posted in Self-Reliance, Throw me Thursday, truth, wildness and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Throw me Thursday: Hidden Things

  1. Julie Jeffs says:

    God I love your stuff.

  2. kario says:

    So universal and so well written. Love it.

  3. pennyjars says:

    Thanks so much, ladies 🙂

  4. Love “The Voice” that’s all you need to say and we got it! Good stuff!

  5. “The Voice” – so great, so telling. And, you pack so much emotion in such a few words. Just lovely.

  6. pennyjars says:

    You got it, you don’t mess with The Voice. 🙂

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