Throw me Thursday: little fish, big fish

This is the story Ivy asked to hear before bed.

When I was very little, but still bigger than you, my mommy and my daddy decided they didn’t love eachother. They got a divorce so they wouldn’t be married anymore. My daddy moved into his own house. I still lived with my mommy and Auntie Sherry. Later, my mommy got a new friend, a boyfriend, LeRoy, and she spent a lot of time going places with him. They would go out on dates like Daddy and I do sometimes when Nanny and Papa come stay with you.

I didn’t have a Nanny and Papa to come play with me, I had my big sister Sherry, but she had her own things she liked to do. When my mommy was gone, I’d get lonely when I had to go to bed and I was scared of the dark. But I had Teddy Brown to cuddle. He’s a good bear. He always kept me safe.

“I get scared of the dark too, Mama,” Ivy says.

I think of this place as our meeting place–alone, us two, in a night room covered by constellations of colored stars. This is where she discovers Mama’s fears, and I hope, finds solace in our likeness. Her after dark is so different from my own childhood night times with Ma silently keening in the blacked-out basement beneath layers of Country and Western music. We should be hidden it said to me. We are shamed.

Ma’s shame was that of the predivorce era, when it still felt fresh and new and wrong, It was as if her husband’s wrong was her wrong, a thing she turned first to pain, then to anger. But in all that pain and anger, in nights long of dark and tears, she never spared her daughter a word. I can’t blame her unknowing, but I go to it now, in the dark of Ivy’s room, willing myself to spare her nothing. We are strong, I try to say, We are good.

Anna Ironside (Photography) sent the P J Harvey song quote, “Little fish, big fish, swimming in the water/Come back here man, gimme my daughter”. Thanks, Anna!

P.S. Next week I should be returning to the regularly scheduled Throw me Thursday posting times–somewhere around midnightish a day earlier than now. Thanks for reading through the chaos!

P.P.S. Should you feel compelled, subscriptions and Facebook likes are always a huge bonus.

P.P.P.S. I love the creativity of the TMT suggestions, Please, Please keep submitting ideas. Is that too beggy, I don’t want to be too beggy.

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About E. Victoria Flynn

E. Victoria Flynn is a mother and a writer living in Southern Wisconsin. Published in a variety of venues, Victoria is currently writing the first in a series of three fantasy novels based on Cornish folklore. When not taking part in a shrieking dance party or engrossed in her own little fictions, Victoria is keen on art, the natural world and people unafraid to explore their own brilliance.
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10 Responses to Throw me Thursday: little fish, big fish

  1. Lisa says:

    Victoria, you have touched me (again). How lucky your daughters are to have you in their lives.

    We are strong. We are good.

    Much love,
    Lisa

  2. Beth Hoffman says:

    WOW … and the last paragraph is so powerful!

  3. Eglentyne says:

    “We are strong. We are good.”

    The darkness can be scary but you have given us the stars and an affirmation. Lovely. Thank you.

  4. kario says:

    Lovely! So special to have those mother-daughter times when you are both secure in the knowledge that you’re good.

    I wrote a post about divorce this week, too. Although not as lyrical as yours. Mine was more ranty.

  5. Christine says:

    Beautiful and strong.

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