Throw Me Thursday: 7 year scratch

Let’s talk about what’s really going on. What I want to write and do and what’s actually happening at this moment is so completely at odds that I have to admit for maybe the first time in my life that I have no control over the way the world works. I’d go even farther and say the more effort I put into controlling the outcome the more opposition there is.

What does this compare to? I’m thinking the opposite of magnetic attraction, but what’s the word for that? Google isn’t telling and neither are the Wikis, but maybe I just don’t feel like looking hard enough.

Blog posts. I know a whole lot of you write blog posts and plan them out ahead of time, maybe even write them ahead of time, maybe even write several of them ahead of time and get all caught up and when the time comes to bring them out into the light you click your fingers and Ooh-la-la there they appear all shiny and brand new.

I love you for doing that.

I love you for your forethought, your planning and your ability to focus.

I thought quite a while back that I wanted to write a blog post about my wedding. I thought, well, I’ll wait until it’s my anniversary and use the wedding as my Throw Me Thursday blog post and everything will be peachy keen and lovely and tra-la-la the world will have a blissful sheen covering it’s bald spot for this one day.

But then.

I got all tech happy an hour before I should have had the thing written and got all jiggidy and thought I’d make a slide show put to music and it can’t be that hard even though I’ve never done it before and I followed some program I heard was easy and spent all this time trying to get into these 1,300 wedding photos (1,300!!!) and sort it all out because I had a pretty good idea of what I really wanted to do with them and really, I only needed to use about 20 or so and…

My husband is working right now. It’s 11:29 pm.

Tomorrow he’s not working and we’re going on a date, the first since February, my birthday. We’re like kids when it comes to dates. We’ll probably play mini golf. Or ski ball, I love ski ball. I do this thing where I have to stand a little to the side and throw the ball really hard and it pops up and hits the top of the cage and bounces down into the 10,000 point hole up there in the right hand corner. I’m bad at every sport there is. But I rule at ski ball.

So we’ve been married for 7 years and this morning I didn’t want to get out of bed, not because I felt bad or hungover or anything, but because I was up too late messing around with these wedding photos, but the kids don’t know that and they wouldn’t care anyway so they get up at 7 like they always do.

Well, Ivy, she’s four and a half and she “gets” things now. Well, I say to Ivy that it’s our anniversary and could they please just do this one nice thing for us and let us sleep a little longer and she says that’s a great idea and she convinces Azy, who is newlyish 3, that they should come down stairs and make cards for us. Isn’t that nice, little kids making anniversary cards for Mom and Dad? It is nice and they came back up stairs about ten minutes later, so I didn’t really get any extra sleep, but they came back up and gave us the cards which were my really cute Thank You cards, but they drew inside and made them all special.

But then Ivy. Ivy decides that since she’s making cards for Mom and Dad she should make something fun, something she likes in her cards. So she draws a bunny and the bunny has four zig-zaggidy lines in different colors, one of which connects with the bunny and the other three of varying lengths. She says to me, here’s the bunny, can you tell which path to take to get to him? And I guess the orange one because that’s the right answer and she’s so proud of herself just then because she didn’t just make a card, but she made an activity card like the ones in her work books and I think this–I think how cool kids’ brains are.

I think, my kids make me absolutely nuts, so nuts I sometimes start bawling in the car but. But. Wow.

Seven years Mike and I have been married.

Seven years and we have made two human beings. From scratch.

That’s pretty cool.

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About E. Victoria Flynn

E. Victoria Flynn is a mother and a writer living in Southern Wisconsin. Published in a variety of venues, Victoria is currently writing the first in a series of three fantasy novels based on Cornish folklore. When not taking part in a shrieking dance party or engrossed in her own little fictions, Victoria is keen on art, the natural world and people unafraid to explore their own brilliance.
This entry was posted in kids, Throw me Thursday, truth. Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Throw Me Thursday: 7 year scratch

  1. Linda Austin says:

    I like it. Happy Anniversary!

  2. Rebe says:

    Victoria… RELAX!!! We all love you so much and know you can get through this hard time… we are only given problems the universe knows that we can handle. The day to day can be really hard but you have so much! I can’t put myself in your place but can only wish that I had what you have. For feelings of jealousy and inadequacy perhaps do I not share with you how much I truely admire all that you attempt. You are an amazing woman! I hope you have a great night out with your man… happy anniversary!

    • pennyjars says:

      Ah, Rebe, I love you and I’m so glad you’re back home. It’s hard to keep perspective in the hot moments when they move so quickly on tiny legs. This means a lot to me. If I could do anything, I’d give you the life you want. You deserve so much good.

  3. Charlie Bond says:

    Nicely done. And so, for another day, you mommy-on, and go out to play with Mike. It’s all the story you need, and it’s well told. Have fun.

  4. Karen Sosnoski says:

    Very real and moving. Happy Anniversary! And congrats to you and your husband for raising such great kids!

  5. Beth Hoffman says:

    Applause for always being so wonderfully honest and for sharing yourself with us, even (and perhaps especially) when you’re a bit raw. I love that about you!

    Happy Anniversary!

  6. kario says:

    Thank you for sharing with us! For the record, I don’t ever write blog posts in advance. They come squarely off the top curve of my left hip and fly out into space, landing like a splat of pudding on the floor. I like them better that way.

    And I love your writing. However you accomplish it. It speaks to me.

    Happy Anniversary. I hope you kick some butt at ski ball πŸ˜‰

    • pennyjars says:

      “Landing like a splat of pudding on the floor.” Oh, you got it, Kari!

      And thanks, I didn’t play ski ball, but did a round of mini golf–terrible but fun, fun, fun.

  7. Lisa says:

    Wow is right. This post is so much better than a slideshow. πŸ™‚

  8. I just love you, you know!!! Enjoy your day- every up and down of it!

  9. Christine says:

    Wow! Very powerful essay.

    My friend Joanne used to laugh at my five-year life plans. I knew exactly what I wanted to accomplish and when. And then I got pregnant with my first child. The doctor who diagnosed the pregnancy had only met me once–the day I came in to pee in a cup. He told me I was pregnant–actually what he said was, “I know of no other explanation [for the ultrasound image] than a fertilized egg.” He said this in German. Dr. Rausch (which means “whisper”) wanted me to take the weekend to think over what I wanted to do. I lived in Bremen at the time where abortion was legal, and my health insurance would have paid for it. I came back to Dr. Rausch’s office on Monday and told him I wanted to go on with the pregnancy. He told me he thought it might be good for me to experience something that was out of my control (or words to that effect). How did he know? How did he know about my 5-year plans without my ever saying a word?

    I had lunch with 21-year-old Nick today and his brother Peter whose 17th birthday is today. Someone with MS who loves sailing said, “You can’t control the wind, but you can adjust your sails.” Raising both my sons (for most of their lives as a single parent) taught me there is so much out of my control…and now MS hits me over the head on a daily basis with that knowledge. I still like to plan, but I know now that illness, a death in the family, an unplanned pregnancy, and so many other things may cause me and others to have to change course. And as someone with MS said, “I never know what body I will wake up in today.”

    Raising kids, marriage, writing can all take on lives of their own. Do the best you can, embrace life fully (which you do with gusto!), and hang on. It’s a wild ride.

    With love,
    Christine

    • pennyjars says:

      Christine, letting things out of your control seemed to work for you. I can see how proud you are of your boys, and it’s been great hearing the similarities between our oldest ones. Of course, life is a restless wind, but even in the worst of storms we find things to grab hold of. Hang tight and fly free, baby.

  10. Marta Szabo says:

    Wow. this was just about the only thing I can imagine reading today. thank you for something great. i’ll be back.

  11. Your on-the-spot blog posts always turn out amazing, and I’m a big believer that this kind of writing feeds whatever kind of writing we want to be doing. A lovely post. I hope you had a wonderful weekend. xoxo

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