Throw Me Thursday: In an Irish pub with a lot of oiled wood

“I love women. They’re like goddesses.” Max took a long swig of Guinness, kicked his boots up on an empty chair.

“Man, don’t let Naomi hear you say that shit. She’s always pissed at me.”

“You and Naomi, your good shit. What you got is deep–you hook up, you fight, you have kids, they fight. Then you get old, and you’re still together. That’s what it’s about.”

Rick noticed the waitress standing behind him, “I’ll have another Jameson.”

Max leaned in, “You got to meet this chick I’ve been seeing. She’s a trip, man. She’s like, I don’t know, really weird, but I like it. She’s got this thing about eating in front of people. I mean, she wouldn’t do it. I’d call her up and we’d go downtown and check out a band and she’d be really into it, you know? Then I’d want to take her out and get some bar food and she wouldn’t go.”

“Maybe she’s anorexic.”

“No, no, that ain’t it. One day I figured I was going to find out what her deal was so I took her out on my bike and we rode out to Devil’s Lake. We hiked around and made fun of people’s kids. You wouldn’t believe this chick, she’s more crass then me. I don’t even think she likes kids. Anyway, I made a whole day of it. Then I took her out for ice cream. I was starving, she had to be hungry.

At first she was like, ‘I don’t like ice cream.’ But you could tell she was lying. She just kept looking at it. So I told her if she didn’t order any I’d do it for her.”

“So you forced her to eat.”

“Nah, man, she had to do it sometime. So she gets some ice cream and we go outside and she wants to go be alone. That’s cool, I did too. So we go down by the river and there’s ducks and stuff and we sit down. Then she starts to eat. Oh, man! She starts grabbing the ice cream with her hands and, like, smashing it around on her face. It’s so weird. It was like at Nicky’s birthday party, remember that, when you stripped the kid down and gave her a piece of cake? Damn!”

“Man, that’s messed up.”

“I know, but it was kind of hot too.”

“You’re still seeing this chick?”

“Hell yeah. Tonight I’m making dinner.”

***

Thanks to Fred Osuna (Spitball Army) for his suggestion, “The last time I ate ice cream.” I ate ice cream yesterday, Purple Cow. Beat that. And follow Fred on Twitter, he’s better than stellar.

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About E. Victoria Flynn

E. Victoria Flynn is a mother and a writer living in Southern Wisconsin. Published in a variety of venues, Victoria is currently writing the first in a series of three fantasy novels based on Cornish folklore. When not taking part in a shrieking dance party or engrossed in her own little fictions, Victoria is keen on art, the natural world and people unafraid to explore their own brilliance.
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24 Responses to Throw Me Thursday: In an Irish pub with a lot of oiled wood

  1. Beth Hoffman says:

    ROTFL … this one made me laugh out loud! You nailed the guy’s voices too. Happy weekend, darling!

  2. Jamie says:

    You are just so talented and witty 🙂

  3. Haha! I wondered what it was with her not eating, but never suspected!! Great story xx

    • pennyjars says:

      Did you think she was a vampire? I’ve since been told the “not eating in front of people” is often a vampire tell. It makes it so much more exciting. Thanks for stopping, Sam.

  4. rolliwrites says:

    very nice

  5. Jillian says:

    I love the filthy full circleness of this! Dudes. They’re funny.

  6. Eglentyne says:

    My favorite part is the title. lol –Dani

  7. Sonia Lal says:

    This is funny! Made me laugh.

  8. siggiofmaine says:

    Great write…didn’t figure out the reason for not eating in front of people…good laugh !
    Thanks.

    ☮ ♥. Siggi in Downeast Maine

  9. Oiled wood, indeed! Does everything remind men of sex, or does it just seem that way? 🙂

  10. [My other comment may have been eaten en route to posting.]

    I’m kind of new to your blog – I LOVED this story! Thanks.

  11. Karen Sosnoski says:

    I got instantly sucked into the story–then loved the sudden ending. Convincing guy talk!

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